hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All the doctor said was why
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
