My brain says no but my pants say off.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
