You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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