Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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