i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
