So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
