he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
