Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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