I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
