I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
