You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize