in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
