I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
