I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
