I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
