Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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