you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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