I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
we're so committed to being not committed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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