Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
