the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
