We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
zippers are such a cool invention
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
