At least make sure they are 18
Why
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
