On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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