I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
