Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
