I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think i have two assholes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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