I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
