I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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