The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
