I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
