So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize