A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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