Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
