Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
