you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I cut my penus on the lid.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
