I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
