Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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