My underwear smells like fireworks.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
