how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
