I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
