Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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