Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
