I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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