YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
