I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
