lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
