Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
