have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
