That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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