Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My ATM looks so different sober.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
