I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
