he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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