Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Randomize
