thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize