the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
