SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
