Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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