I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it penis luge time yet?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
