I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
