So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize