Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
