I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
